Bio Help & Rating Center

[Arthur]

Welcome to the Bio Help & Rating Center. This is where anyone will receive ratings on their bios by everyone.
Everyone can rate each other and give each other advise with a few strict guidelines.

- To get rated post your completed Bio. Do not complain about the rating you may recieve.
- Do not post the same bio over and over again. 5 times at Max including corrections.
- If you are going to post bios, give feedback on someone else's bio, it won't help if everyone posts bios & no ratings!


If you are going to rate someone ALWAYS:

* Make helpful suggestions for improvement with ALL ratings.
* Use colors or some form of styling to make feedback clearly visible.
* Be courteous & respectful to one another.
* Quality doesn't neccessarily equal quantity.
* Rember that everyone has a different writing style and technique.

You’re here not only to improve, but to help each other to do so as well, so work together like a community.


Things to look for:

* Detail & Imagery – Texture, color, material, specifics
* Originality – What makes the character Your character
* Personality – General attitude & what shaped him/her to be that way.
* Character Depth – Values, goals, motivations, history; What’s important to the character

Scale of 1-10, 10 being best (maybe close or near to ARP quality?) and 1 being worst. I shouldn’t be seeing any 1’s here at all IMO ^_^ If you have questions or need help with a bio, feel free to post your questions in accompany with your bio or just ask away. Or if you want to give advice in regards a bio, feel free to do so. =) A bio is normally used for reference and/or to keep a saved detailed record of a created character, and this will be what the ratings in this case are based on, its relevance to you and the rp that the character will be used in. What you want is a clear image of who your character is and what he/she is about so anyone in an rp can get the picture.

I’ll be watching this thread closely for flames/insults/arguments. Take criticism with a grain of salt, it’s not a personal attack, but a suggestion to help you improve. I’ll also be editing/deleting responses that do not offer constructive criticism – and if you try starting problems, you will be asked to stop posting in this thread.


What Constitutes as a Weakness:

* Something that causes a physical vulnerability.
* An Emotional Weakness is considered to be either a phobia and/or mental trauma that can cause a physical vulnerability.
* A Physical Weakness is either a physical disability which hinders the character, or being susceptible to more damage than normal to certain elements/attacks.

If it does not follow these guidelines it does Not fall into the weakness category and thus is most likely a character flaw or simply part of the character's general personality or attitude.

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Bio Layout & Addons: (bold is required and others are optional)

Name: (sound it out ONLY if[ necessary)
Nickname:
Gender:
Age:
Race:
Weight: (try to be as proportionate as possible, balance with body type)
Height:
Alignment: (lawful good, chaotic evil etc)
Class/Occupation:

Appearance: (at least some general description - OR you can use the following:)
Eyes:
Hair: (color, style, texture, length)
Skin: (creamy, pale, light/dark tan, blue, scaley >.>)
Voice/Accent: (deep, light, clear, raspy, soft etc)
Body Build: (fat, chubby, skinny, slender, curvy, well-muscled, toned etc)
Clothes/Armor: (material, color, tattered, embroidered, fitting, loose etc)

Weapons: (type, metal, length, any defining features)
Extra Items: (pendant, book, herbs, bags/puches, survival tools..)

Spells/Abilities: (physical, magickal, tradeskills)
Weaknesses: (physical, magickal, emotional)
Pets if applicable:

Personality:
Goals: (what's important to the character)
Parental Status:
Religion: (Element or Deity of worship)
History: (character background)




Blank Bio Layout:

   [b]Name:[/b]
   [b]Gender:[/b]
   [b]Age:[/b]
   [b]Weight:[/b]
   [b]Height:[/b]  

   [b]Race:[/b]

   [b]Appearance:[/b]
   [b]Clothes/Armor:[/b]
   [b]Weapons:[/b]
   [b]Spells/Abilities:[/b]
   [b]Weaknesses:[/b]

   [b]Personality[/b]:
   [b]History[/b]:

[Mar The Dragon]

Name: Mar the dragon
Nickname: mar, the shadow lord, the dark dragon
Gender: male
Age: unknown
Race: half-shadow
Weight: unknown
Height: 6'
Alignment: neutral
Class/Occupation: random things, like stopping fires or destroying buildings etc

Appearance:
Eyes: red
Hair: unknown
Skin: black
Voice/Accent: very quiet
Body Build: unknown, but looks to be skinny
Clothes/Armor: a black robe with a hood that is always up, and even though the robes look and feel like cloth, they are the hardest things on earth and can move like cloth but never breaks, but it cannot stop magic and other non-physical things

Weapons: a very large black scythe, which is as hard as the armor as well
Extra Items: a shadow orb

Spells/Abilities: shadow orb attack, spinning scythe attack, shadow teleport, shadow clone, shadow shield, shadow tendrils, shadow paralysis
Weaknesses: extremely weak to light spells
Pets if applicable: shadowling (if you have played kingdom hearts 2, it looks like the neo-shadow thing)

Personality: secretive
Goals: none
Parental Status: none
Religion: darkness
History: when the world was created, it suddenly appeared out of nowhere and waited until humans appeared, and then took over a human body, and his powers let it not have to eat, drink, or anything, and the body does not get the effects of aging or illness anymore

[Arthur]

Note: PUNCTUATION! Use some friggin periods dude


Name: Mar the dragon
Is "the dragon" really his last name? It seems rather weird...
Nickname: mar, the shadow lord, the dark dragon
So, are his nicknames "Mar - TSL - TDD", or is it "Mar, TSL - TDD". Cause if it's the latter, the second comma should be a semi-colon. That way, it doesn't cause any confusion. Also, I don't see why they would call him dragon anyway. He doesn't seem related to dragons whatsoever. Elaborate!
Gender: male
Age: unknown
Race: half-shadow
Elaborate! Any special powers associated with race? If so, I didn't find that noted in your 'Special Abilities' section.
Weight: unknown
Height: 6'
Alignment: neutral
Class/Occupation: random things, like stopping fires or destroying buildings etc
Class/Occupation is more like the standard labels: Wizard, Paladin, Necromancer, Elemental Warrior, etc. Seeing your character, I think this should be a 'None'.

Appearance:
Eyes: red
Hair: unknown
Skin: black
Black? As in, Afro-American-black, or as in "pure" black? Elaborate!
Voice/Accent: very quiet
Does he speak rarely, or is voice just really soft? Elaborate! (also, if the former, it should be noted somewhere along the lines of personality)
Body Build: unknown, but looks appears to be skinny
Clothes/Armor: a black robe with a hood that is always up, and even though the robes look and feel like cloth, they are the hardest things on earth and can move like cloth but never breaks, but it cannot stop magic and other non-physical things
Run-on sentence alert! I would advice rewording this to something along the lines of:
"He wears a black robe with a hood that is always up. Even though the robe looks and feels like normal cloth, it is the hardest thing on earth, and it will never break. They can still move like normal robes would, though. Also, they won't protect Mar/the user from magic or other non-physical things."
Doesn't that read a lot nicer? Also, I deem this to be a bit overpowered. Generally, robes provide better movement, while providing worse defense, while armors tend to do just the opposite. Of course, with magic you can alter that a bit, but you shouldn't meddle with it too much. Why don't you make it so that it doesn't protect against light weapons as well? Just a suggestion.

Weapons: a very large black scythe, which is as hard as his armor as well.
Why is it just as hard as his armor? Any special things about it other than what you mentioned that you should tell us? Elaborate!
Extra Items: a shadow orb
Okay, very nice. But what does it do?! E-la-bo-rate!

Spells/Abilities: shadow orb attack, spinning scythe attack, shadow teleport, shadow clone, shadow shield, shadow tendrils, shadow paralysis
Do I even need to repeat it? Elaborate, elaborate, elaborate! Describe what the attacks look like, how much they tire him, how much damage it does, the range of the attack, etc, etc, etc.
Weaknesses: extremely weak to light spells
Because...?
Pets if applicable: shadowling (if you have played kingdom hearts 2, it looks like the neo-shadow thing)
Perhaps provide a picture for those that haven't played KH?

Personality: secretive
Are you sure that's all you'd like to tell us about his personality?
Goals: none
Parental Status: none
Religion: darkness
You might want to reword this to something like: he is aligned to the element of darkness, or whatever. Just to make it a little clearer
History: when the world was created, it he (you've told us he is a male, yet you use 'it' here? Bad Mar, bad ) suddenly appeared out of nowhere and waited until humans appeared, and then took over a human body, and his powers let it not have to eat, drink, or anything, and the body does not get the effects of aging or illness anymore.
Again, a very run-on sentence. Try separating stuff a bit. Also, is that everything worth mentioning that ever happened to him since the beginning of time? Also, he doesn't seem to have a large variety of skills and such for a being as old as the planet. (Even though it's illogical, you shouldn't make him all "OMG I kill you all with da snap of my fingers!!!11!!!one!!!eleven!1," as that would still be godmodding) You also might want to reconsider the 'doesn't have to eat/drink/sleep/etc, as this might also be considered godmodding by your fellow RP members.


Overal, you've got a nice idea of your character. That's all nice and dandy, but the idea is to give US a profound idea of your character! That's why you have to elaborate: if you don't, we don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about! Also, try using complete sentences everywhere. It will look a whole lot neater. Just take the other notices I put in into account, and this'll turn out as a nice bio, I believe.

/Arthur.

[Mar The Dragon]

Name: Mar
Nickname: the shadow lord
Gender: male
Age: unknown
Race: half-shadow (gives Mar all his powers)
Weight: unknown
Height: 6'
Alignment: neutral
Class/Occupation:

Appearance:
Eyes: red
Hair: unknown
Skin: pure black
Voice/Accent: speaks rarely, and when he does, it is telepathicaly and echoes
Body Build: unknown, but appears to be skinny
Clothes/Armor: He wears a magically enchanted black robe with a hood that is always up. Even though the robe looks and feels like normal cloth, it is the hardest thing on earth, and it will never break. They can still move like normal robes would, though. Also, they won't protect Mar/the user from magic or other non-physical things

Weapons: a very large black scythe, which is harder than anything else on earth, and it can occasionaly summon shadowlings
Extra Items: a shadow orb which amplifies the users shadow spells

Spells/Abilities: shadow orb attack (sends out a powerful orb that keeps going until it hits something), spinning scythe attack (starts spinning in a frenzy, instantly killing or badly damaging anybody nearby), shadow teleport (teleports caster and anybody/thing in contact with caster to a location of the casters decision), shadow clone (summons a near-perfect clone of the caster, except it doesnt have the spells or abilities of the caster (kind of like the naruto shadow clone )), shadow shield (procures a shield made of shadows as big as the caster wishes), shadow tendrils (shadow tendrils sprout out of the casters back that act like normal arms), shadow paralysis (paralyzes enemies, duh )
Weaknesses: extremely weak to light spells because he is half-shadow
Pets if applicable: shadowling i3.photobucket.com/albums/y89/Galahad_McCloud_2/NeoShadow.jpg

Personality: secretive
Goals: none
Parental Status: none
Religion: he is aligned with darkness
History: when the world was created, it (it didnt have a body so it didnt have a gender) suddenly appeared out of nowhere and waited until humans appeared, and then took over a human body, and his powers let it not have to eat, drink, or anything, and the body does not get the effects of aging or illness anymore and having been here from the beggining of time, he has been able to perfect his skills and abilities

[Arthur]

Name: Mar
Nickname: the shadow lord
Gender: male
Age: unknown
Race: half-shadow (gives Mar all his powers)
Weight: unknown
Height: 6'
Alignment: neutral
Class/Occupation:

Appearance:
Eyes: red
Hair: unknown
Skin: pure black
Voice/Accent: speaks rarely, and when he does, it is telepathicaly and echoes
I'd advice rewording this to: "through telepathy and echoes"
Body Build: unknown, but appears to be skinny
Clothes/Armor: He wears a magically enchanted black robe with a hood that is always up. Even though the robe looks and feels like normal cloth, it is the hardest thing on earth, and it will never break. They can still move like normal robes would, though. Also, they won't protect Mar/the user from magic or other non-physical things

Weapons: a very large black scythe, which is harder than anything else on earth, and it can occasionally summon shadowlings
Why only occasionally? How does he summon them? Still, it's just a plain black scythe? If so, make it a little clearer, because as it stands, I'd like to see a little more detail
Extra Items: a shadow orb which amplifies the users shadow spells
Ah, excellent. Now I know what it does

Spells/Abilities: shadow orb attack (sends out a powerful orb that keeps going until it hits something), spinning scythe attack (starts spinning in a frenzy, instantly killing or badly damaging anybody nearby), shadow teleport (teleports caster and anybody/thing in contact with caster to a location of the casters decision), shadow clone (summons a near-perfect clone of the caster, except it doesnt have the spells or abilities of the caster (kind of like the naruto shadow clone )), shadow shield (procures a shield made of shadows as big as the caster wishes), shadow tendrils (shadow tendrils sprout out of the casters back that act like normal arms), shadow paralysis (paralyzes enemies, duh )
Okay, first of all, that was totally messy. Organize things a bit before reposting please, so you can easily look up what your spells were again later. Also, I'm afraid a couple of these attacks are either overpowered or underdetailed. Take the "spinning scythe" and "shadow paralysis" attacks. Instant kill is always a no-no in RP. It's called godmodding. Also, paralyzing is allowed, but you should be careful with it, because as it stands, it is godmodding. A non-godmodding paralysis attack would be, for example, Shikamaru's Kagemane no jutsu. (Shadow Posession Justsu). Even though his opponent is unable to move unless they are extremely powerful, Shikamaru can't do anything either, while he does continuously consume chakra. Also, he originally got hurt when the bound person got hurt as well (making it totally useless, really), even though they appeared to forget all about later on in the series
On the underdetailed: look at the least example of this, your 'shadow clone'. You should at least specify what it can and can't do, because naruto's shadow clones can do some attacks/jutsus. Does it have access to any of the spells/abilities? Is attacking with the scythe just as strong? Is there any notable difference between the real one and the clones? Etc, etc. Also, another good example: Shadow Tendrils. You do realize this might be godmodding, right? Especially if he's like Noitra, and every extra arm has access to another scythe. If not, what /can/ he do with them? Elaboration all over again.

Weaknesses: extremely weak to light spells because he is half-shadow
Pets if applicable: shadowling i3.photobucket.com/albums/y89/Galahad_McCloud_2/NeoShadow.jpg

Personality: secretive
Goals: none
Parental Status: none
Religion: he is aligned with darkness
History: when the world was created, it (it didnt have a body so it didnt have a gender) suddenly appeared out of nowhere and waited until humans appeared, and then took over a human body, and his powers let it not have to eat, drink, or anything, and the body does not get the effects of aging or illness anymore and having been here from the beggining of time, he has been able to perfect his skills and abilities.
Run-on sentence, much?



Overal, there's been lots of improvement. Just for fun, compare your first version with the new one, and the third one as well, once you make it. I do, however, still have a little bit important info for you.


"* Detail & Imagery – Texture, color, material, specifics
* Originality – What makes the character Your character
* Personality – General attitude & what shaped him/her to be that way.
* Character Depth – Values, goals, motivations, history; What’s important to the character
"


I'll go a little in depth for each of them, so I don't seem like such a douchebag that just puts it there and leaves you alone

Detail & Imagery: Like I've tried to convince you before: elaboration is good! Shape us an image of what your scythe/shadow ball/whatever look like! That way, you'll bio will seem a lot more professional, and everyone will be able to familiarize with your character better. Also, detail and imagery are highly appreciated in RPing everywhere, as well as writing. Don't worry, it's hard on everyone in the beginning. Just remember: describe, describe, and describe again!

Originality: You don't have to worry about this much. As long as you make up your character, and make him special /somehow/, it's original a-plenty. Just make sure every bio you make is somehow different from all other characters ever thought of! That can't be too hard!

Personality & Character Depth: This isn't all too clear with your current character, but that may be the character the itself. However, in most cases goes: flesh out your character! Why does he do this? Why does he always act like a total jerk? Why is he addict to mushroom pie? Etc, etc. Fleshing out your characters will make them more real, to both you and those who you're RPing with.



Pfft... well, I hope you're satisfied, that took me some time

/Arthur

[Mar The Dragon]

Name: Mar
Nickname: the shadow lord
Gender: male
Age: unknown
Race: half-shadow (gives Mar all his powers)
Weight: unknown
Height: 6'
Alignment: neutral
Class/Occupation: none

Appearance:
Eyes: red
Hair: unknown
Skin: pure black
Voice/Accent: speaks rarely, and when he does, it is through telepathy and echoes
Body Build: unknown, but appears to be skinny
Clothes/Armor: He wears a magically enchanted black robe with a hood that is always up. Even though the robe looks and feels like normal cloth, it is the hardest thing on earth, and it will never break. They can still move like normal robes would, though. Also, they won't protect Mar/the user from magic or other non-physical things

Weapons: a very large black scythe with a blade that looks like steel, but isnt. also, at the corner at the top of it where shaft meets blade, there is a screaming human skull made out of obsidian. it is harder than anything else on earth. it can occasionally summon shadowlings by the wielder slamming the bottom of it into the ground (only occasionaly because you dont have time to do it that often in a battle)
Extra Items: a shadow orb which amplifies the users shadow spells

Spells/Abilities:
shadow orb attack: sends out a powerful orb that keeps going until it hits something
strength consumption: none
speed: fast

spinning scythe attack: the caster starts spinning very fast, badly damaging anybody nearby
strength consumption: none

shadow teleport: teleports caster and anybody/thing in contact with caster to a location of the casters decision
strength consumption: none
speed: medium

shadow clone: summons a near-perfect clone of the caster which looks exactly like him, except it doesnt have the spells or abilities of the caster, but it does have the same strength as the caster
strength consumption: 1: none; 2: 1/4; 3: 1/3

shadow shield: procures a shield made of shadows as big as the caster wishes
types: anti-physical, anti-magical, both
strength consumption: 6 ft in diameter: none; 12: 1/10; 18: 1/5; 24: 1/3; 30+: 3/4

shadow tendrils: 2-8 shadow tendrils sprout out of the casters back that can wrap around things, but they can be cut off and they cannot hold anything
strength consumption: 2: none; 4: 1/4; 6: 1/2; 8: 3/4

shadow paralysis: paralyzes enemies, but the caster is also paralyzed
strength consumption: none, but does paralyze caster

Weaknesses: extremely weak to light spells because he is half-shadow
Pets if applicable: shadowling i3.photobucket.com/albums/y89/Galahad_McCloud_2/NeoShadow.jpg

Personality: secretive, slightly grumpy, quiet, doesnt give up easily, doesnt believe in sacrificing friends no matter what
Goals: none
Parental Status: none
Religion: he is aligned with darkness
History: when the world was created, it (it didnt have a body so it didnt have a gender) suddenly appeared out of nowhere. it then waited until humans appeared, and then took over a human body. his powers let it not have to eat, drink, or anything, and the body does not get the effects of aging or illness anymore. having been here from the beggining of time, he has been able to perfect his skills and abilities.

[Arthur]

Name: Mar
Nickname: the shadow lord
Gender: male
Age: unknown
Race: half-shadow (gives Mar all his powers)
Weight: unknown
Height: 6'
Alignment: neutral
Class/Occupation: none

Appearance:
Eyes: red
Hair: unknown
Skin: pure black
Voice/Accent: speaks rarely, and when he does, it is through telepathy and echoes
Body Build: unknown, but appears to be skinny
Clothes/Armor: He wears a magically enchanted black robe with a hood that is always up. Even though the robe looks and feels like normal cloth, it is the hardest thing on earth, and it will never break. They can still move like normal robes would, though. Also, they won't protect Mar/the user from magic or other non-physical things

Weapons: a very large black scythe with a blade that looks like steel, but isnt. also, at the corner at the top of it where shaft meets blade, there is a screaming human skull made out of obsidian. it is harder than anything else on earth. it can occasionally summon shadowlings by the wielder slamming the bottom of it into the ground (only occasionaly because you dont have time to do it that often in a battle)
Extra Items: a shadow orb which amplifies the users shadow spells

Spells/Abilities:
shadow orb attack: sends out a powerful orb that keeps going until it hits something
strength consumption: none
speed: fast

spinning scythe attack: the caster starts spinning very fast, badly damaging anybody nearby
strength consumption: none

shadow teleport: teleports caster and anybody/thing in contact with caster to a location of the casters decision
strength consumption: none
speed: medium

shadow clone: summons a near-perfect clone of the caster which looks exactly like him, except it doesnt have the spells or abilities of the caster, but it does have the same strength as the caster
strength consumption: 1: none; 2: 1/4; 3: 1/3

shadow shield: procures a shield made of shadows as big as the caster wishes
types: anti-physical, anti-magical, both
strength consumption: 6 ft in diameter: none; 12: 1/10; 18: 1/5; 24: 1/3; 30+: 3/4

shadow tendrils: 2-8 shadow tendrils sprout out of the casters back that can wrap around things, but they can be cut off and they cannot hold anything
strength consumption: 2: none; 4: 1/4; 6: 1/2; 8: 3/4

shadow paralysis: paralyzes enemies, but the caster is also paralyzed
strength consumption: none, but does paralyze caster

Weaknesses: extremely weak to light spells because he is half-shadow
Pets if applicable: shadowling i3.photobucket.com/albums/y89/Galahad_McCloud_2/NeoShadow.jpg

Personality: secretive, slightly grumpy, quiet, doesnt give up easily, doesnt believe in sacrificing friends no matter what
Goals: none
Parental Status: none
Religion: he is aligned with darkness
History: when the world was created, it (it didnt have a body so it didnt have a gender) suddenly appeared out of nowhere. it then waited until humans appeared, and then took over a human body. his powers let it not have to eat, drink, or anything, and the body does not get the effects of aging or illness anymore. having been here from the beggining of time, he has been able to perfect his skills and abilities.


Overal, I don't think I've got much left to complain about. Detail is good enough, at least, and the only finishing touches I can think about are brushing up the grammar/spelling a bit, expending the history, and perhaps share some more details with us out of what you've given already. You know, nearly everything can be described more, but it isn't strictly necessary, as now we've got a good overal idea of what everything is like. One last thing I'd like to note is, still, goals. Every character has goals. Even though not everyone is aware of it, we all have our personal goals. Plus, there's a not-so-small risk of godmodding with your character, so beware, and try not to. Even so, even without goals, this is a pretty decent bio. 7.5/10.


PS. I'm still wondering: do his clones have a scythe as well, or not? PPS. I'm saying it again: look back on your old stuff! Check your (pretty crappy) old bio, and then have a look at the latest version. Just like that!

[MTL]

Oh, man, I so suck at this.

Name: Mijarna
Nickname: Jar
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Race: Human-Dragon Shapeshifter (Is human, but can change into the form of a red dragon)
Weight: ~150 pounds
Height: 6'
Alignment: lawful good
Class: Swordman
Occupation: Bartender

Appearance: Has a mechanical left arm, but when he transforms, he is missing his left arm.
Eyes: Silver
Hair: Gold, loose in back and spiked in front, about ear-length (None when transformed)
Skin: tanned (scaled when transformed)
Voice/Accent: Changes between farmboy accent (when transformed) and a deep+clear voice (when human).
Body Build: Very skinny, legs are built for endurance, right arm is dexterous but not strong, left mechanical arm is muscular. When he uses the full power of his nanites, his body build changes to be extremely muscular until the effects wear off.
Clothes/Armor: Thick red cloth robe covering his upper half, custom fitted for him, white sweatpants.

Weapons: Right arm: Hand-and-a-half Katana, reinforced steel, four feet long. Left arm: the actual mechanical arm. It can transform between being the normal shape of an arm, a sharp blade, and an energy cannon which discharges lethal blasts. Fangs, wings, a tail, and claws when transformed.
Extra Items: Pitchfork hung on his back, a memento of his farm days, a hatchet on the right side of his belt, a collection of herbs to cure ailments, poisons, and heal wounds, nano capsules, containing a boost of nanites to instantly heal most bad wounds.

Spells/Abilities: Can transform into a dragon form, which grants him harder skin, flight, and different styles of attacking. Is very proficient in fire magic. (Fireballs, Fire Rings, Flamethrowing, and Infernos, especially) Has skill in darkness magic (normally just uses to augment his fire, but he does have basic darkness attacks as well). Can teleport once per hour to another location (in battle, behind the attacker, normally). Has the psychic ability to sense abilities similar to his own. Can read the expressions of another and can sometimes identify what they've done for a living in recent times. Can have some premonitions of upcoming disasters. Heals rapidly from most wounds(see nanites). Has nanites within him when in human form, which heal most wounds and grant him great speed and strength for short periods of time. When nanites are in their normal state, he has good endurance, fast speed, and decent strength, but nothing superhuman. Proficient with natural herbs. Left hand grants him accurate and powerful ranged attacks. He is a natural with a sword, and has great amounts of combat experience to augment it.

Weaknesses: Missing left arm when transformed. Heals very slowly if his nanites are somehow disabled (meaning he is easier to kill, if, say, an EMP-like attack is thrown at him). Left arm will freeze in its current mode if an electrical attack is thrown at it. Has a slight risk of being paralyzed whenever he sees powers relating to voids/darkness/fire, unless he is the caster (obviously leaving him open to attack). When nanites are disabled, this risk is significantly higher. Without nanites, he is slow in combat (meaning that he is easier to hit). Physically weak without nanites (meaning in a clash of blades, he won't fare so well). Can only teleport once per hour, a one-time surprise attack which leaves him open after he uses it. While he can often see into the mind of his enemy, his own mind is open to attack (and when under mental attack, it is hard to withstand physical). After using his nanite's increase in speed and strength, he has less endurance, speed, and strength than normal (again, more open to attack and easier to kill). Fluctuates between being kind and caring, vengeful and a misguided sense of justice, and being serious but with good intents. (The first is from his younger days, the second is from his first tragic loss, and the third is from his second loss) Each one has its own weaknesses, as the first is hesitant to finish an opponent (easier for foes to counter-attack, easier for foes to strike him), and the second is too impulsive (greater offense, yet very little defense, much easier to land a blow against)
(The third is socially awkward, but that's not a combat weakness.)


Personality: He has three, as mentioned in his weaknesses. The first is his original farmboy, calm, cool, and kind personality. He is a little ignorant of the world around him, and is too caring for his own good, hesitant to do any act of harm. His second is violent to any he views as a threat, planning their downfall. He will brag, he will taunt, he will torture, and he will kill mercilessly. Under his third, most dominant personality, he is a military man, and not good at socializing with others. (Note: These are personalities, not alter-egos. He can fluctuate from one to another easily, but the overall flow of his actions will remain the same)
Goals: World peace, elimination of evil, under all personalities. (The first wants to help out everyone he can, and world peace, in his opinion, is the ultimate way of achieving this. The second wants to eliminate evil, although that definition of 'evil' makes him *almost* an alter-ego. The third does it to prevent the losses to others which he has seen happen to himself)
Parental Status: Presumed Deceased
Religion: Open Minded.
History: Mijarna's early life is unknown to all but himself (AKA, I'm too lazy to type it.), but it is known that, by the age of ten, he was living with just his older and younger sisters on a farm. He dreamed of becoming something more, and was generally friendly. When he was seventeen, he went to a widely-respected academy, but was stricken with tragedy when his farm was burned down by a pyromancer. After a six-month leave of absence to get his lust to murder any fire-user he came across, he returned to graduate with honors, the top of his class.

From there, he decided that the military life was not for him and retired into a nice life. By the age of nineteen and a half, he was elected mayor of the area he had grown up in, and soon had a loving wife. The details of what happened next are sketchy, but what is known is that raiders using some form of teleportation invaded his town and killed everyone. Mijarna was the sole survivor, but he lost his left arm in combat.

Again, he was forced to control himself, and again, he swore to bring peace to the world. He sought after someone capable of making him more powerful, and found the answer in an old academy friend of his, who specialized in technomancy. There, his mechanical left arm was grafted in and his nanites were implanted.

After contacting another old military friend of his, he discovered an ancestor of his being a dragon shapeshifter, meaning that shapeshifting was in his blood. Having found two keys to train himself, he left for a secluded mountain to train for nearly two years, to master his abilities, new and old alike. Finally satisfied that he is as strong as he will ever become, Mijarna left the mountains to achieve his goal: World peace, and the elimination of evil.

[Arthur]

Oh, man, I so suck at this.

Name: Mijarna
Nickname: Jar
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Race: Human-Dragon Shapeshifter (Is human, but can change into the form of a red dragon)
Weight: ~150 pounds
Height: 6'
Alignment: lawful good
Class: Swordman
Occupation: Bartender

Appearance: Has a mechanical left arm, but when he transforms, he is missing his left arm.
Eyes: Silver
Hair: Gold, loose in back and spiked in front, about ear-length (None when transformed)
Skin: tanned (scaled when transformed)
Voice/Accent: Changes between farmboy accent (when transformed) and a deep+clear voice (when human).
Body Build: Very skinny, legs are built for endurance, right arm is dexterous but not strong, left mechanical arm is muscular. When he uses the full power of his nanites, his body build changes to be extremely muscular until the effects wear off.
Clothes/Armor: Thick red cloth robe covering his upper half, custom fitted for him, white sweatpants.

Weapons: Right arm: Hand-and-a-half Katana, reinforced steel, four feet long. Left arm: the actual mechanical arm. It can transform between being the normal shape of an arm, a sharp blade, and an energy cannon which discharges lethal blasts. Okay.... so how exactly does it transform? And, more importantly, how does it shoot those energy balls?
Fangs, wings, a tail, and claws when transformed.
Extra Items: Pitchfork hung on his back, a memento of his farm days, a hatchet on the right side of his belt, a collection of herbs to cure ailments, poisons, and heal wounds, nano capsules, containing a boost of nanites to instantly heal most bad wounds.

Spells/Abilities: Can transform into a dragon form, which grants him harder skin, flight, and different styles of attacking. Is very proficient in fire magic. (Fireballs, Fire Rings, Flamethrowing, and Infernos, especially) Has skill in darkness magic (normally just uses to augment his fire, but he does have basic darkness attacks as well). Can teleport once per hour to another location (in battle, behind the attacker, normally).
I think you know this already, and you did good making it a once-per-hour thing, but it's still kinda risky. Just make sure you don't godmod and I'll let it slide
Has the psychic ability to sense abilities similar to his own.
Too vague, really. Seeing as he's got plenty of abilities, which one(s) do you mean? Or did you indeed mean all of them?
Can read the expressions of another and can sometimes identify what they've done for a living in recent times. Can have some premonitions of upcoming disasters. Heals rapidly from most wounds(see nanites). Has nanites within him when in human form, which heal most wounds and grant him great speed and strength for short periods of time. When nanites are in their normal state, he has good endurance, fast speed, and decent strength, but nothing superhuman. Proficient with natural herbs. Left hand grants him accurate and powerful ranged attacks. He is a natural with a sword, and has great amounts of combat experience to augment it.
I'm kinda worried about how far these nanites can go, but I'll just have to say it again: don't godmod. If you're like "OMG and my nanites just healed the wound you gave me in like 4 seconds so I just killed you with my superpowered nanite-punch!!!111!" You get the point.

Weaknesses: Missing left arm when transformed. Heals very slowly if his nanites are somehow disabled (meaning he is easier to kill, if, say, an EMP-like attack is thrown at him). Left arm will freeze in its current mode if an electrical attack is thrown at it. Has a slight risk of being paralyzed whenever he sees powers relating to voids/darkness/fire, unless he is the caster (obviously leaving him open to attack). When nanites are disabled, this risk is significantly higher. Without nanites, he is slow in combat (meaning that he is easier to hit). Physically weak without nanites (meaning in a clash of blades, he won't fare so well). Can only teleport once per hour, a one-time surprise attack which leaves him open after he uses it. While he can often see into the mind of his enemy, his own mind is open to attack (and when under mental attack, it is hard to withstand physical). After using his nanite's increase in speed and strength, he has less endurance, speed, and strength than normal (again, more open to attack and easier to kill). Fluctuates between being kind and caring, vengeful and a misguided sense of justice, and being serious but with good intents. (The first is from his younger days, the second is from his first tragic loss, and the third is from his second loss) Each one has its own weaknesses, as the first is hesitant to finish an opponent (easier for foes to counter-attack, easier for foes to strike him), and the second is too impulsive (greater offense, yet very little defense, much easier to land a blow against)
(The third is socially awkward, but that's not a combat weakness.)


Personality: He has three, as mentioned in his weaknesses. The first is his original farmboy, calm, cool, and kind personality. He is a little ignorant of the world around him, and is too caring for his own good, hesitant to do any act of harm. His second is violent to any he views as a threat, planning their downfall. He will brag, he will taunt, he will torture, and he will kill mercilessly. Under his third, most dominant personality, he is a military man, and not good at socializing with others. (Note: These are personalities, not alter-egos. He can fluctuate from one to another easily, but the overall flow of his actions will remain the same)
That's pretty logical. Alter egos are the ones that... um.... Yeah, I think Gollem/Smeagol makes a perfect example.
Goals: World peace, elimination of evil, under all personalities. (The first wants to help out everyone he can, and world peace, in his opinion, is the ultimate way of achieving this. The second wants to eliminate evil, although that definition of 'evil' makes him *almost* an alter-ego. The third does it to prevent the losses to others which he has seen happen to himself)
Parental Status: Presumed Deceased
Religion: Open Minded.
History: Mijarna's early life is unknown to all but himself (AKA, I'm too lazy to type it.), but it is known that, by the age of ten, he was living with just his older and younger sisters on a farm. He dreamed of becoming something more, and was generally friendly. When he was seventeen, he went to a widely-respected academy, but was stricken with tragedy when his farm was burned down by a pyromancer. Please tell me tht wasn't me >.> After a six-month leave of absence to get his lust to murder any fire-user he came across, he returned to graduate with honors, the top of his class.

From there, he decided that the military life was not for him and retired into a nice life. By the age of nineteen and a half, he was elected mayor of the area he had grown up in, A-ha! Something I can nitpick on, finally This seems rather illogical. If not very. I honestly don't think we'll see any 19 year old mayors anytime soon, really. and soon had a loving wife. The details of what happened next are sketchy, but what is known is that raiders using some form of teleportation invaded his town and killed everyone. OMG, it's liek, mar's ppl!!!!one!!!eleven!!! Mijarna was the sole survivor, but he lost his left arm in combat.
Hmmm.... but wasn't he already lacking an arm when he /entered/ the academy? Oh well..

Again, he was forced to control himself, and again, he swore to bring peace to the world. Control himself from doing what, exactly? He sought after someone capable of making him more powerful, and found the answer in an old academy friend of his, who specialized in technomancy. There, his mechanical left arm was grafted in and his nanites were implanted. W00t, it's, liek, POM

After contacting another old military friend of his, he discovered an ancestor of his being a dragon shapeshifter, meaning that shapeshifting was in his blood. Having found two keys to train himself, he left for a secluded mountain to train for nearly two years, to master his abilities, new and old alike. Finally satisfied that he is as strong as he will ever become, Mijarna left the mountains to achieve his goal: World peace, and the elimination of evil.

Okay, although world peace is just a fine goal, most people realize that it's not one that tends to be possible to actually reach. But hey, who am I to talk, right? Anywho, plenty good bio, Mastin. As expected, with your writing history, of course. I'd give this one an 8.
And yeah, sorry for the delay >.>